I had been on a journey to become a mum for a very long time. It had always felt like a part of who I was and not being a mum felt like part of me was missing. Motherhood was within my grasp so many times, only for it to be cruelly snatched away. Each step has taken a huge amount of adjustment and grief to work through. Remaining childless until my mid-40's, it felt like a dream which would never be mine.
I found infertility and recurrent miscarriage to be a very lonely experience. I struggled to find stories I could relate to. A lot of it has involved pretending I was ok, during some of the most painful experiences of my life. I became good at styling out heartache. I felt I had nowhere to go with it and often, no right to experience it. I really want help others who may feel the same way.
We have now adopted two beautiful little girls and are slowly navigating our way through forming our family.
I am a qualified therapist (MBACP / MBPS), supporting those experiencing miscarriage and infertility and considering or going through adoption.
In addition, I offer expert advice on a consultancy basis, on recurrent pregnancy loss and adoption, in terms of impacts on individuals; but also in improving services and changing behaviours and attitudes as well as supporting employer policy change.
In 2020, I published a book about my story, The Seven Birthstones (link embedded in the picture below). This book is one of the only infertility books written from the eye of the storm, before a happy ending, since this at times felt unachievable and I felt sure I wasn't alone in feeling this.
The Student Midwife Journal, 7 January 2023 - Recurrent Miscarriage and supporting Change (Subscription required for access), see www.all4maternity.com
The Fertility Conversations Podcast, 2 October 2021
PLICA Podcast, 7 April 2021 - Behind the smile
PLICA, 16 March 2021 - The myth of at least
Defining Mum, 27 January 2019 - Nicole's Story
What's in the name?
I have called my blog Mum’s the Word for a couple of reasons. First, because mum has always been a loaded word for me. It’s a hugely powerful word, so often taken for granted. But also, infertility and miscarriage are still very taboo, people don’t like to talk about it, its shrouded in shame and sometimes embarrassment and hurt, which leaves those who live it, feeling very isolated. Even doctors often don’t really know how to deal with it. This won’t change unless it becomes part of every day conversations. It shouldn’t have to be kept quiet and no one should have to go through it in silence.