By day I’m a Change Manager but in the evenings I’m a counsellor, with a hope to one day making a permanent switch. I live with my boyfriend, my cat, Matilda and my dog, Chloe. We are a great little family unit but we are still missing a vital component, children. We are now approved for adoption and very much looking forward to welcoming a child into our family.
I have been on a journey to become a mum for a very long time. It has always felt like a part of who I am and not being a mum feels like part of me is missing. Motherhood was within my grasp so many times, only for it to be cruelly snatched away. Each step has taken a huge amount of adjustment and grief to work through.
I have found infertility and miscarriage to be a very lonely experience. I struggled to find stories I could relate to. A lot of it has involved pretending I was ok, during some of the most painful experiences of my life. I became good at styling out heartache. I felt I had nowhere to go with it and often, no right to experience it. I really want help others who may feel the same way.
I’m still waiting for my happy ending, but I can now see it. I am starting the final phase. For a long time this felt like Plan B, the last resort. I was wrong, this is just an updated version of Plan A, but I needed to go through what I have to come to that realisation.
In 2020, I published a book about my story, The Seven Birthstones (link embedded in the picture below)
What's in the name?
I have called my blog Mum’s the Word for a couple of reasons. First, because mum has always been a loaded word for me. It’s a hugely powerful word, so often taken for granted. But also, infertility and miscarriage are still very taboo, people don’t like to talk about it, its shrouded in shame and sometimes embarrassment and hurt, which leaves those who live it, feeling very isolated. Even doctors often don’t really know how to deal with it. This won’t change unless it becomes part of every day conversations. It shouldn’t have to be kept quiet and no one should have to go through it in silence.
You will also notice this is a blog about creating a family with no pictures of pregnancy and babies. These things have the power to wound deeply when you are hurting through their absence or loss. There may be pictures in the future, linked to blogs, but I will always try to be sensitive about what is posted.